I sit and watch, as if it will come to me.

Watching you.

The music filters to me here, calling, yet I remain. Not this year.

Waiting. Silent, patient (how unusual)...

But I've purpose now, to come out. You gave it to me.

Poor fool, I'm coming for you.

It's been so long since I've seen ye. Did ye listen to me, and now shant return?

I wish ye hadn't...He can teach me so that I will never harm ye.

I'm...not even sure where I'm going with these thoughts to myself.

I'm lonely, yes. Moreso since he pointed it out to me. Telling me that I'm in need of friendship and causing me to realize I've nothing. Not any of them, not Narus...not ye.

I taste their dirt and sweat, caked upon them.

The others tasted of salt from their sweat, yes. From the struggle..but they were cleaner.

So long trying to bloody get in again and now I wish to be back out.

Fool. Served him right.

Fools, fools, so many fools within this city.

I passed the inn on my way to the slums again, and I actually took a moment to read the board.

They're at it again, that bloody pest. They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, but it's made me quickly despise ye.

I assume it is the same one. First to leave my spider upon the corpse in the hospital, and now using other trademarks of mine? Someone thinks I attacked them out in the forest when I've now been in here. When ye slew the entire orphanage my name was tossed about as well, and I was in the forest then.

Do ye seek to always keep far from me? A strategy, perhaps. Though I can assure ye that our paths will soon cross, and the counterfeit will not stand up to the original when put to the test.

Then nothing.

Nothing until I awoke with a start once more, in his chilly room. He says I've been here a week...or two? He just said and I barely remember.

Attacking...harassing me with questions I don't know the answers for. I offer what I can and he won't believe me. A shame when the other believed so easily. Angry...but still concerned.

My, she's grown. It seems like ten years have passed since I last saw her. Heh...and she thinks he's brought me here as a sister for her.

Not very long ago, we'd constantly tried to kill one another, ye know. I remember smashing a plate into your face, wasting my prescious eggs, and causing your blood to splatter. Now I bandage your ear.

But ye weren't bleeding...what is this smell? Can it be the hunger pulls so strongly at me that it tricks my senses?

Quickly, Narus. Take me to the slums, to the worthless souls.

More kin than the others, I suppose, should I find myself accepting that term for them.

Last I saw him I slew him. Easily. Both he and his companion. Left the bodies in their pools of blood in the hall of the baths, though his head was severed and kicked further down the corridor.

Now I'm relieved..nearly excited to see him.

He understands. If he believed me, that is.

I was a fool to think I can merely run to one seeking help. I was a Dryth, afterall. A known Dryth. Melchior's Chosen..their natural enemy. They'd likely just laugh at me, trying to convince them.

"No, no, I'm one of ye now! He cast me out and the Forsaken One took me in!"

Puh, I laugh at myself thinking on it.

I fear I'll be forced to remain alone. As a Dryth I've offended near all of them that I know, except for the 'Sira' he mentioned. I've never encountered that one.

Killed him, killed the Hound's little human pet...I've a feeling I should not take my chances with this 'Sira'. He mentioned her amongst the older ones.

But he remains an option. Surely I've offended him with the numerous times I've attacked him, but I was always the one to take damage. But how can I prove it to him? He is wise...He will know. He at least owes me a moment of explanation for what he had done to my face. Would he think me so stupid to return to try again after that?

He's not as....aggressive as the others, I suppose. Unless provoked, as I always did. Yet even then he seemed to try to convince me otherwise...Not to strike as if he didn't wish to harm me in return.

What was it I caught from his mind that night in the bar? Ah, yes...

She is like a pond. A poisonous pool with lillies on the banks.

Or something like that.

There is a speck of hope yet.

Too hungry...too melancholy, too full of thought. I'm exhausted.

I've tried to make it last, your gift, but couldn't merely knowing it's there.

What can I do? The numbers which wander down here have all but ceased now. I shall have to go into the city, if even to merely get what I can from those in the slums.

"I've decided," he murmured. A slight smile...forced. "That I'm going to ask Him tomorrow."

Why?

Look at ye..your face. Ye don't want to. Ye are...afraid, perhaps. And with reason. Ye see only part of what I suffer, ye know nothing of what occurs within. Ye would not wish this upon yourself. I don't need ye to hold my hand, Lycenth.

'I don't need...I don't want ye to follow me around like a pup, whimpering your apologies....Yet I don't want ye to leave me. I don't even know where the others are. I thought that this would be where he would be (perhaps the other cave? He'd not returned to the one within the wall), but he's not come. I can't be alone like this. Just myself and my thoughts...my regrets...my pains.

"To be with you," he replied.

"I'm afraid," he murmured, "that you'll run from me because you think you'll attack me."

But I already have. Perhaps not so violently as I could have as my mind swarmed with confusion and grief from what I'd just done, but I did it. Does the mark on your shoulder not remind ye? Make ye think of what I'd have done otherwise? Clearly it matters not who I harm to get what I need. I cannot fill waterskins forever, and I cannot say that I won't try again. ...Ye don't understand it.

And yet again a conflict. I proved that ye cannot linger near me like this. I was unsuccessful, yes, but I still tried. Why did ye not run? (Perhaps ye are right. That if ye don't I will.)

"I don't care. I made a deal with Him to save you and I'm not going to watch you run away from me and do nothing."

Ye burned yourself, love. Could I touch something without destroying it I'd offer something.

But where would that get us? Watching one another suffer and being unable to help?

Please..Please just leave now. I can't....it hurts far too much. I have no restraint. It feels as if my innards are twisting to be sure they have my attention. To remind me of the hunger more severely.

"And where are we now, Nybrylla? I'd rather suffer with you than be without you."

Must I strike ye for ye to even just listen? Go...

I didn't catch ye, which relieves me. Yet it pains me to see ye withdraw.

"I'm going to do it. It's that or I lose you. I've decided."

Again, I take to the waterskin like a babe, finding comfort in it.

Into the slums, yes. Only briefly, if I can make it. It's as if my bit of rest were too long to go without a brief release from this torture. I'm drained..(What would happen if I refused myself?)

"I'm sorry..."

Leave me to myself for a time....please. I'll move eventually. If ye wish to do something before ye leave go back to the end of the cavern and....get rid of it. Be sure it is out of my sight.

I've felt nothing like this in so long. No remorse for something that was not directly related to myself. My own suffering. (As with my child [children].) I thought those cast out by the gods would lack any and all morality? Pure cruelty. Yet it nearly feels like this has awakened my heart.

Do not now remain silent as the Others were with me.

Help me!

The hunger, it will not be quieted. It lessens only while it is being served, and then it increases! I cannot suppress it. It invades every waking and even unconscious moment. It fills my head as I glance at any that cross my path. Lycenth. Always Lycenth as he now seeks to remain always at my side more than ever.

I stand here before his hideaway yet I dare not enter. I despise him still. Yet those whom I despise (especially so with The Hound) I must now call my friends...my...kin? I must forgive the one who sniffed me out within the inn and drove his own talon into my stomach, robbing me of the child I was to bear and call him brother?!

And those that remained my friends I must now call enemies for they surely can no longer keep those bonds.

They know how to destory me.

And the others with no such ties, are they now mere livestock? Can I call them any of those things? Friend, enemy, kin...I cannot discern one from the other as the desire pulls at me. The urge, the need to spill blood is equal for all of them. The only one that has not resulted in horror, disgust, and panic within myself was the guard recruit that had called for the guards. Had he never done so I would not be this!

His death brought me satisfaction, pleasure. It was damn near an act of a vigilante, however. Information seeped from his mouth like the blood from his wounds. Revealing he joined the guard merely for the gold...for free armor (which he seemed to think not to be of the quality he'd liked), that he thought the sergeant was an asshole. That for my gold he'd use his position in the law, if possible, for whatever I asked in return. What he'd be willing to do was clear...he did not push my from his lap...he placed his hands upon my thighs. He may as well have spat in Cymur's face, as the Forsaken One did to Melchior when he took me. Were I still under the grace of the gods I'm sure Cymur would have been pleased with my act...

As he realized who it was upon him be begged for his life..that he would help me, though all that would help me was spilling his blood. I'd toyed with him far too long. The scent of it upon him from the previous wounds drove me wild.

Why?! Why did ye choose me for this?! I've no qualms with murder, but not like this!

Ye have made me the monster that haunted my sleep from adolescence. The one in the visions that I saw stripping me, pinning me onto a slab to poke, prod and cut with crude 'medical' instruments. For what purpose?!

If ye will not answer then let the self-proclaimed Prophet. I go to him now for guidance...for pity.

I'd not even killed that man, though. I knew it was necessary, my body swept into action without my mind's consent. Instinct?

But as I realized what it was I was doing...Horror...Disgust swept over me.

Everything suddenly became clear, yet confused me all the more. The pain. The sickness. Both gone afterward. I wanted to weep but instead I laughed. I laid upon the forest floor and I laughed.

But why was I chosen for this fate? Why not the bargainer himself? I suppose that answer is obvious, actually, looking back once again upon the situation and those involved.

I'm unsure yet whether this is a punishment or a gift. He at least has offered what the others didn't. Protection, and the healing of old wounds which they had let me suffer. At now similar hands to my own, no less. Which I then had sought to destroy. For Them.

As reluctant as I am, for answers I believe I shall need to seek the one who has done the most damage. The one who after our encounter, all was a further decline into catastrophe. The one who burned me and my pride.

I've actually started RPing again a little bit ago, but the MUD was incredibly quiet and left me with nothing to post about, really. However, with some recent advertising we've got ourselves a good 20 new players so far, and things have begun to pick up.

When I'm home I tend to just do my RP in that bit of time I have, so for now I'll likely do my blogging from work as they've not had much for me to do lately anyway ;) The biggest event in my rp thus far actually happened after I sneakily downloaded gmud and logged in from work this passed Friday, actually. heh heh.

O.K. I'll stop rambling now. ;)

Note to self: Fiddle with blog settings to try and find a way to have the few most recent posts show until there's an update rather than there being just a blank if some time has passed.

Tzoli truly hit the nail on the head with her hammer...it's awfully lonely in my mind.

You turn away, and turn away, and shield yourself with anger. Where will that lead you? There is no happiness in that. There is not even an unhappy future... Only death."

He says he tries to help me, but doing so causes him an agony in even reaching towards me. He'd previously denied that Melchior now means me harm, but that seemed to confirm the opposite.

A distraction He called me. Perhaps that is why Lycenth has been nowhere in site (Narus has not been seen in some time either. Not since the law on the wearing of masks, though I'd not think him afraid to challenge that). Perhaps Bjar told him more things of Sehki, distorted things, that set his blood to boil again.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...It's now the silence in my mind that distresses me rather than the constant voices. To be lonely in the mind is one matter, but to feel it in my soul as well....I almost think I'd enjoy Acerbe's company should he stroll into this cave.

Or perhaps not...I'm uncertain.

I should leave here, I think...wander about as I seem to not be welcomed (at least by certain individuals) in the Temple. I never did find a face to the voice that spoke to me in the dark out in the forest. Though do I really want to? I'd not have the previous warning to their presence that I did then, though the curiousity it causes being that they seemed to know me well....my name, notice changes in my appearance....Might make it worth the risk.

"It is you I saw, good. I would speak with you if you have a moment."

"Aye, I've time."

He seems uneasy here, as though trespassing and in danger of discovery. Am I trespassing again? I'd thought not. I've been here for a time without his return and I highly doubt that he would have since that encounter. After a then-dryth knew where he hid. Taliesin likely came looking for him here as well. Could he be that bold?

"Are you still looking to find a place to stay?" he asks quietly, his gruff bass voice rumbling throughout the small room.

"Trust no doubt, and trust certainty even less."

He puzzled me, to say the least. Why so torn when I was actually worth helping, but after ye see me removed from grace are ye so eager to jump to help now? What is left now, no longer Chosen, that is worth salvaging? He certainly must have realized that's what happened..he was there.

Ahh..As always 'favors' do not come at some sort of a price. Apparently I am very useful, though, if even Sijavi seems to want to use me for some purpose or other, like Narus. What do I plan to do now? Adjust to this new way of life. I've been too busy trying to forget the past to be thinking about the future, Sijavi. Though ye seem to have thought it out for me. Tell...Enlighten me.

And like Narus, he gave me a lesson...

{A weathered, narrow-eyed man raises his hand, as though to forestall her anger. "The will of the Gods is paramount, yes. But here, I will teach a lesson..." he steps forward, to the edge of the rug, to a stone holding the rug down to the dirt and rock floor. With his toe he flips the stone over, and beneath it a wriggling mass of insects scurry away, fleeing their sudden exposure. Reaching down he finds one beetle, shiny and black, picks it up between thumb and index finger and raises it before his eyes, no more than handsbreadth away from his face. "...to this bug." Staring imperiously at it, it's little bug legs kicking futilely in the air. Suddenly his arm snaps back. "Kill Nybrylla, bug!" he shouts, and launches the tiny projectile at the Tiress. Half way there, a sudden stuttering sound erupts from the beetle and it abruptly loops away, flying to the safety of a crevice in the wall. a weathered, narrow-eyed man follows it with his eyes, mock anger in his face. "You cannot do this one little thing? You are worthless bug! You are nothing!" he shouts.

He falls silent. Looking down he flips the overturned rock back into it's original position. He remains looking down at the rock for a few moments, then raises his steely-eyed gaze back to Nybrylla. "Even if you fail the will of giants in your life, you still have the ability to fly higher than any else of your stature." a weathered, narrow-eyed man turns then, and walks toward the entrance flap.}

And like Narus, another lesson was repeated...

"You aren't this weak, Nybrylla. Revenge? Spite? These are petty things, creations of the frustration you feel in your breast. Do you think these driving forces will sustain you? They will destroy you, Nybrylla, and everything you hold dear."

OOC Note: Regents rocks my socks so hard that I had to include some of his emotes word for word so all (who don't already) will know how much he reeks of awesomeness.

It was by chance that we crossed paths. But when has it not been byt chance? I found no black dye in the outpost and walked back towards the city with the Protector, as surely a clothier's would have some. My hair has not been in its natural color for so long it looks foreign to me now. Not my own.

Even when I found him he seemed to have wanted to rush past me..Avoid me. Having revealed who I am to him, did he merely not dare to outwardly refuse?

Sijavi had questions for me, which made me uneasy, but I expected as much.

He'd wanted to see if there were anything worth salvaging in me. I knew I was being tested.

Now that I think upon all that I told him, I wonder why I did not merely refuse, say I will find someone else who will not make me jump through as many hoops. Bjar offered. I likely should have taken his, even if just to ease his mind. He tries still to take responsibility for what happened.

So abrupty, Sijavi, asked. But I told...and told...and told. I didn't even realize I knew so much until it poured from my mouth. Yet I know it is still so little compared to all there is to know. Bjar seemed as anxious as I as I continued to tell, but I trusted Sijavi. For all the times we've crossed paths I believe he has been placed there to aid, and Melchior did not urge me to hold my tongue.

At the very least I tried to inform him of what truly goes on. I felt it was my fault he doesn't understand, as I am a poor example. He knows of the ancient war, but not of the sides in detail. The siding of the crown leaves him to believe that it is with reason despite the actions of the Vek. We do not reveal ourselves with good reason, but I labeled myself for him and he likely cannot see. Likely doesn't know what to make of me because I am both chosen of Melchior, and wanted assassin. He likely takes me to represent the whole.

I was left uneasy, however. As despite all that I told him, it was not what he was searching for.

What is more important to you: Defeating the Vek? Or defeating the Darkness?"

"I wouldn't have believed you anyway."

It feels good to be so enthused about RP, blogging, etc. And it's not been a bad day overall. I got called back for the paid internship I applied for with the NY Post's Marketing and Promotions department and will be reporting to orientation July 5th. Also got back that final pesky grade that was missing for the Spring semester, giving me a total of four A's, one A-, a GPA of 3.94 for the semester, and a 3.85 cumulative GPA for the two years I've completed. Yay!