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August 29, 2005
Perhaps Not As Easy As I'd Thought...
The young one. The Tir.
More kin than the others, I suppose, should I find myself accepting that term for them.
Last I saw him I slew him. Easily. Both he and his companion. Left the bodies in their pools of blood in the hall of the baths, though his head was severed and kicked further down the corridor.
Now I'm relieved..nearly excited to see him.
He understands. If he believed me, that is.
"That hurt. We remember things like that," he told me. Backing away from me, likely fearing I'd do it again. Telling me he'll think up some sort of revenge eventually.
I was a fool to think I can merely run to one seeking help. I was a Dryth, afterall. A known Dryth. Melchior's Chosen..their natural enemy. They'd likely just laugh at me, trying to convince them.
"No, no, I'm one of ye now! He cast me out and the Forsaken One took me in!"
Puh, I laugh at myself thinking on it.
I fear I'll be forced to remain alone. As a Dryth I've offended near all of them that I know, except for the 'Sira' he mentioned. I've never encountered that one.
Killed him, killed the Hound's little human pet...I've a feeling I should not take my chances with this 'Sira'. He mentioned her amongst the older ones.
But he remains an option. Surely I've offended him with the numerous times I've attacked him, but I was always the one to take damage. But how can I prove it to him? He is wise...He will know. He at least owes me a moment of explanation for what he had done to my face. Would he think me so stupid to return to try again after that?
He's not as....aggressive as the others, I suppose. Unless provoked, as I always did. Yet even then he seemed to try to convince me otherwise...Not to strike as if he didn't wish to harm me in return.
What was it I caught from his mind that night in the bar? Ah, yes...
She is like a pond. A poisonous pool with lillies on the banks.
Or something like that.
There is a speck of hope yet.
Posted by Nybrylla at 03:44 PM | Comments (0)
August 26, 2005
At War With Myself
Too hungry, always hungry...
Too hungry...too melancholy, too full of thought. I'm exhausted.
I've tried to make it last, your gift, but couldn't merely knowing it's there.
What is wrong with ye? How have ye become so blind? Ye saw what I did, the aftermath at least. How I reacted when I realized. Ye managed to sleep, but I...I took up that little corpse and cradled it within my arms as if I could will it back to life. I sobbed once more and when I finally set it down and went to lay beside ye, I took that waterskin to my mouth like a babe to a breast myself.
What can I do? The numbers which wander down here have all but ceased now. I shall have to go into the city, if even to merely get what I can from those in the slums.
"I've decided," he murmured. A slight smile...forced. "That I'm going to ask Him tomorrow."
Why?
Look at ye..your face. Ye don't want to. Ye are...afraid, perhaps. And with reason. Ye see only part of what I suffer, ye know nothing of what occurs within. Ye would not wish this upon yourself. I don't need ye to hold my hand, Lycenth.
'I don't need...I don't want ye to follow me around like a pup, whimpering your apologies....Yet I don't want ye to leave me. I don't even know where the others are. I thought that this would be where he would be (perhaps the other cave? He'd not returned to the one within the wall), but he's not come. I can't be alone like this. Just myself and my thoughts...my regrets...my pains.
"To be with you," he replied.
"I'm afraid," he murmured, "that you'll run from me because you think you'll attack me."
But I already have. Perhaps not so violently as I could have as my mind swarmed with confusion and grief from what I'd just done, but I did it. Does the mark on your shoulder not remind ye? Make ye think of what I'd have done otherwise? Clearly it matters not who I harm to get what I need. I cannot fill waterskins forever, and I cannot say that I won't try again. ...Ye don't understand it.
And yet again a conflict. I proved that ye cannot linger near me like this. I was unsuccessful, yes, but I still tried. Why did ye not run? (Perhaps ye are right. That if ye don't I will.)
"I don't care. I made a deal with Him to save you and I'm not going to watch you run away from me and do nothing."
Ye burned yourself, love. Could I touch something without destroying it I'd offer something.
But where would that get us? Watching one another suffer and being unable to help?
Please..Please just leave now. I can't....it hurts far too much. I have no restraint. It feels as if my innards are twisting to be sure they have my attention. To remind me of the hunger more severely.
"And where are we now, Nybrylla? I'd rather suffer with you than be without you."
Must I strike ye for ye to even just listen? Go...
I didn't catch ye, which relieves me. Yet it pains me to see ye withdraw.
"I'm going to do it. It's that or I lose you. I've decided."
Again, I take to the waterskin like a babe, finding comfort in it.
Into the slums, yes. Only briefly, if I can make it. It's as if my bit of rest were too long to go without a brief release from this torture. I'm drained..(What would happen if I refused myself?)
"I'm sorry..."
Leave me to myself for a time....please. I'll move eventually. If ye wish to do something before ye leave go back to the end of the cavern and....get rid of it. Be sure it is out of my sight.
I've felt nothing like this in so long. No remorse for something that was not directly related to myself. My own suffering. (As with my child [children].) I thought those cast out by the gods would lack any and all morality? Pure cruelty. Yet it nearly feels like this has awakened my heart.
Posted by Nybrylla at 01:17 PM | Comments (4)
August 24, 2005
When Will It End?
Ye told him that ye offered mercy!
Do not now remain silent as the Others were with me.
Help me!
I feel hunger pains that should have already delivered a thousand deaths, yet I remain here still. I almost wish I would die from them.
The hunger, it will not be quieted. It lessens only while it is being served, and then it increases! I cannot suppress it. It invades every waking and even unconscious moment. It fills my head as I glance at any that cross my path. Lycenth. Always Lycenth as he now seeks to remain always at my side more than ever.
I stand here before his hideaway yet I dare not enter. I despise him still. Yet those whom I despise (especially so with The Hound) I must now call my friends...my...kin? I must forgive the one who sniffed me out within the inn and drove his own talon into my stomach, robbing me of the child I was to bear and call him brother?!
And those that remained my friends I must now call enemies for they surely can no longer keep those bonds.
They know how to destory me.
And the others with no such ties, are they now mere livestock? Can I call them any of those things? Friend, enemy, kin...I cannot discern one from the other as the desire pulls at me. The urge, the need to spill blood is equal for all of them. The only one that has not resulted in horror, disgust, and panic within myself was the guard recruit that had called for the guards. Had he never done so I would not be this!
His death brought me satisfaction, pleasure. It was damn near an act of a vigilante, however. Information seeped from his mouth like the blood from his wounds. Revealing he joined the guard merely for the gold...for free armor (which he seemed to think not to be of the quality he'd liked), that he thought the sergeant was an asshole. That for my gold he'd use his position in the law, if possible, for whatever I asked in return. What he'd be willing to do was clear...he did not push my from his lap...he placed his hands upon my thighs. He may as well have spat in Cymur's face, as the Forsaken One did to Melchior when he took me. Were I still under the grace of the gods I'm sure Cymur would have been pleased with my act...
As he realized who it was upon him be begged for his life..that he would help me, though all that would help me was spilling his blood. I'd toyed with him far too long. The scent of it upon him from the previous wounds drove me wild.
Why?! Why did ye choose me for this?! I've no qualms with murder, but not like this!
Ye have made me the monster that haunted my sleep from adolescence. The one in the visions that I saw stripping me, pinning me onto a slab to poke, prod and cut with crude 'medical' instruments. For what purpose?!
If ye will not answer then let the self-proclaimed Prophet. I go to him now for guidance...for pity.
Posted by Nybrylla at 12:01 PM | Comments (2)
August 22, 2005
Clarity Leads to Further Haze
I've obviously not given murder a second thought. At first I did. I nearly couldn't bring myself to do it but Narus pushed me and I've since grown numb to it. (That was a different kind, however.)
I'd not even killed that man, though. I knew it was necessary, my body swept into action without my mind's consent. Instinct?
But as I realized what it was I was doing...Horror...Disgust swept over me.
Everything suddenly became clear, yet confused me all the more. The pain. The sickness. Both gone afterward. I wanted to weep but instead I laughed. I laid upon the forest floor and I laughed.
He did not show the same disgust. Perhaps he was too fearful; seeing for the first time what he caused. He merely gathered me to him as one would a child when checking if they have sustained injury and the worry of the guardian is greater than the damage. He was clearly unaware, judging by the number of apologies he gives. Though it is no surprise to me considering who he bargained with.
But why was I chosen for this fate? Why not the bargainer himself? I suppose that answer is obvious, actually, looking back once again upon the situation and those involved.
I'm unsure yet whether this is a punishment or a gift. He at least has offered what the others didn't. Protection, and the healing of old wounds which they had let me suffer. At now similar hands to my own, no less. Which I then had sought to destroy. For Them.
As reluctant as I am, for answers I believe I shall need to seek the one who has done the most damage. The one who after our encounter, all was a further decline into catastrophe. The one who burned me and my pride.
Posted by Nybrylla at 11:18 AM | Comments (1)
[OOC] I'm baaaaaack!
A sort of rough time for my return, but I'm trying none the less. Work has kept me quite busy, though I'm done with my internship September 2nd, and then begin school September 7th. Not too sure what my free time will be like taking 18 credits, but I'm sure I'll have a little time now and then.
I've actually started RPing again a little bit ago, but the MUD was incredibly quiet and left me with nothing to post about, really. However, with some recent advertising we've got ourselves a good 20 new players so far, and things have begun to pick up.
When I'm home I tend to just do my RP in that bit of time I have, so for now I'll likely do my blogging from work as they've not had much for me to do lately anyway ;) The biggest event in my rp thus far actually happened after I sneakily downloaded gmud and logged in from work this passed Friday, actually. heh heh.
Posted by Nybrylla at 11:11 AM | Comments (0)