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August 22, 2005
Clarity Leads to Further Haze
I've obviously not given murder a second thought. At first I did. I nearly couldn't bring myself to do it but Narus pushed me and I've since grown numb to it. (That was a different kind, however.)
I'd not even killed that man, though. I knew it was necessary, my body swept into action without my mind's consent. Instinct?
But as I realized what it was I was doing...Horror...Disgust swept over me.
Everything suddenly became clear, yet confused me all the more. The pain. The sickness. Both gone afterward. I wanted to weep but instead I laughed. I laid upon the forest floor and I laughed.
He did not show the same disgust. Perhaps he was too fearful; seeing for the first time what he caused. He merely gathered me to him as one would a child when checking if they have sustained injury and the worry of the guardian is greater than the damage. He was clearly unaware, judging by the number of apologies he gives. Though it is no surprise to me considering who he bargained with.
But why was I chosen for this fate? Why not the bargainer himself? I suppose that answer is obvious, actually, looking back once again upon the situation and those involved.
I'm unsure yet whether this is a punishment or a gift. He at least has offered what the others didn't. Protection, and the healing of old wounds which they had let me suffer. At now similar hands to my own, no less. Which I then had sought to destroy. For Them.
As reluctant as I am, for answers I believe I shall need to seek the one who has done the most damage. The one who after our encounter, all was a further decline into catastrophe. The one who burned me and my pride.
Posted by Nybrylla at August 22, 2005 11:18 AM
Comments
Reading this, the only thing I kept thinking of was "Ah, how lovely it would have been if they'd come and found Bjar". I mean, that's going to be quite the happy reunion, eh?
I still think this plot development is a part of the grand conspiracy to force me to spend more of my time with newbies. Slowly depriving me of all my friends, completely. *mutter* : P
Posted by: Ozymandias at August 22, 2005 02:47 PM