Welcome to my Mind

What is wrong with ye? How have ye become so blind? Ye saw what I did, the aftermath at least. How I reacted when I realized. Ye managed to sleep, but I...I took up that little corpse and cradled it within my arms as if I could will it back to life. I sobbed once more and when I finally set it down and went to lay beside ye, I took that waterskin to my mouth like a babe to a breast myself.

What can I do? The numbers which wander down here have all but ceased now. I shall have to go into the city, if even to merely get what I can from those in the slums.

"I've decided," he murmured. A slight smile...forced. "That I'm going to ask Him tomorrow."

Why?

Look at ye..your face. Ye don't want to. Ye are...afraid, perhaps. And with reason. Ye see only part of what I suffer, ye know nothing of what occurs within. Ye would not wish this upon yourself. I don't need ye to hold my hand, Lycenth.

'I don't need...I don't want ye to follow me around like a pup, whimpering your apologies....Yet I don't want ye to leave me. I don't even know where the others are. I thought that this would be where he would be (perhaps the other cave? He'd not returned to the one within the wall), but he's not come. I can't be alone like this. Just myself and my thoughts...my regrets...my pains.

"To be with you," he replied.

"I'm afraid," he murmured, "that you'll run from me because you think you'll attack me."

But I already have. Perhaps not so violently as I could have as my mind swarmed with confusion and grief from what I'd just done, but I did it. Does the mark on your shoulder not remind ye? Make ye think of what I'd have done otherwise? Clearly it matters not who I harm to get what I need. I cannot fill waterskins forever, and I cannot say that I won't try again. ...Ye don't understand it.

And yet again a conflict. I proved that ye cannot linger near me like this. I was unsuccessful, yes, but I still tried. Why did ye not run? (Perhaps ye are right. That if ye don't I will.)

"I don't care. I made a deal with Him to save you and I'm not going to watch you run away from me and do nothing."

Ye burned yourself, love. Could I touch something without destroying it I'd offer something.

But where would that get us? Watching one another suffer and being unable to help?

Please..Please just leave now. I can't....it hurts far too much. I have no restraint. It feels as if my innards are twisting to be sure they have my attention. To remind me of the hunger more severely.

"And where are we now, Nybrylla? I'd rather suffer with you than be without you."

Must I strike ye for ye to even just listen? Go...

I didn't catch ye, which relieves me. Yet it pains me to see ye withdraw.

"I'm going to do it. It's that or I lose you. I've decided."

Again, I take to the waterskin like a babe, finding comfort in it.

Into the slums, yes. Only briefly, if I can make it. It's as if my bit of rest were too long to go without a brief release from this torture. I'm drained..(What would happen if I refused myself?)

"I'm sorry..."

Leave me to myself for a time....please. I'll move eventually. If ye wish to do something before ye leave go back to the end of the cavern and....get rid of it. Be sure it is out of my sight.

I've felt nothing like this in so long. No remorse for something that was not directly related to myself. My own suffering. (As with my child [children].) I thought those cast out by the gods would lack any and all morality? Pure cruelty. Yet it nearly feels like this has awakened my heart.