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June 10, 2005
Exposed
I doubt he wishes to truly think on this. He said he'd meet me here to speak with me more on it, but he never came. I grew restless...ventured to the outpost hoping he'd be home. I didn't care how agressively I seemed to pursue it.
It was by chance that we crossed paths. But when has it not been byt chance? I found no black dye in the outpost and walked back towards the city with the Protector, as surely a clothier's would have some. My hair has not been in its natural color for so long it looks foreign to me now. Not my own.
Even when I found him he seemed to have wanted to rush past me..Avoid me. Having revealed who I am to him, did he merely not dare to outwardly refuse?
Perhaps...But he came with me anyway. As did Bjar when he came across us as well. I was so concerned with speaking with Sijavi I'd forgotten that I was to meet Bjar in the garden.
Sijavi had questions for me, which made me uneasy, but I expected as much.
He'd wanted to see if there were anything worth salvaging in me. I knew I was being tested.
Now that I think upon all that I told him, I wonder why I did not merely refuse, say I will find someone else who will not make me jump through as many hoops. Bjar offered. I likely should have taken his, even if just to ease his mind. He tries still to take responsibility for what happened.
So abrupty, Sijavi, asked. But I told...and told...and told. I didn't even realize I knew so much until it poured from my mouth. Yet I know it is still so little compared to all there is to know. Bjar seemed as anxious as I as I continued to tell, but I trusted Sijavi. For all the times we've crossed paths I believe he has been placed there to aid, and Melchior did not urge me to hold my tongue.
At the very least I tried to inform him of what truly goes on. I felt it was my fault he doesn't understand, as I am a poor example. He knows of the ancient war, but not of the sides in detail. The siding of the crown leaves him to believe that it is with reason despite the actions of the Vek. We do not reveal ourselves with good reason, but I labeled myself for him and he likely cannot see. Likely doesn't know what to make of me because I am both chosen of Melchior, and wanted assassin. He likely takes me to represent the whole.
I was left uneasy, however. As despite all that I told him, it was not what he was searching for.
What is more important to you: Defeating the Vek? Or defeating the Darkness?"
"I could easily say the Darkness because I know it is what is important to ye...I gathered it from your mind. But I won't. ..."
"I wouldn't have believed you anyway."
Posted by Nybrylla at June 10, 2005 08:42 PM