May 14, 2006
Teleportation patented!
The US Patent office is a haven for the offbeat. Now someone has beaten Scotty to it and applied for a patent on whole body teleportation.
Some of the more entertaining extracts:
Brief Summary
[0001] This invention is a system that teleports a human being through hyperspace from one location to another using a pulsed gravitational wave traveling through hyperspace.
Which was enough to make me want to read more. Not for any hope of a working theory, simply to see what was the genesis of the idea. There wasn't long to wait.
[0002] The basis for this invention is an event, referring to FIG. 1, occurring on May 2, 2004, in which the inventor ("he") personally experienced a full-body teleportation while walking to the bus stop (A) along a road (B) that runs perpendicular to the nearby commercial airport runways where planes are landing. There is a wide iron grating (D) for water drainage that crosses the road at the center of the bus stop. The grating width is such that one has to make a concerted effort to jump across it in order to get from one side to the other. Approximately 50 meters from the iron grating, he (E) felt a vertical wave (F), similar to a flag waving in the breeze, traveling down the street toward the bus stop. The wave velocity was about 1 meter per second, which was slightly faster than his walking speed. In the next instance, he (G) found himself down the street near the corner of the next block. Realizing that he had passed the bus stop, he turned around to see the iron grating approximately 50 meters up the street in back of him. Because there was no recollection of having jumped across the iron grating nor of having passed the bus stop's yellow marker line, he realized that he had been teleported a distance of 100 meters while moving along with the traveling wave. It was obvious that the wave was pulsed because the front edge overtook the inventor, moved with him momentarily, and then the back edge of wave left him as it moved on down the street. While contemplating this sequence of events, he then looked up and saw in a span of a few seconds a twin-turboprop airplane (C) in the distance crossing above the road while making a shallow descent in order to land at the airport.
After several days of intense thought, what had happened became clear. 43 steps later through 26 diagrams, (with Chi Kung breathing and anti-gravity via a Chakra Vortex Accelerator, no less) we arrive at the Detailed Description of the Invention (ie. how to build a teleporter).
[0045] 1. The obelisks are quarried out of granite stone and cut with a large-diameter diamond saw that is used in highway construction. The beveled piece at the top is cut separately and cemented in place. A tapered aluminum bracket holds the toroids in place. [0046] 2. The electronics for the magnetic vortex generator are similar to that used in the patent application Magnetic Vortex Wormhole Generator. [0047] 3. The electronics for the toroidal waveguides is the familiar stub and coaxial cable driven by an amplifier and pulsed variable-frequency generator.
I'm rather suspecting Einstein may have at least been entertained somewhat with his job as a patent clerk.
Scrawled illegibly by Meathe at 04:25 PM
April 24, 2006
Tin foil hats
Its a bad news day for the tin-foil hat brigade.
MIT has released a study proving that tin foil helmets actually amplify signals and enhance the mind controlling waves - especially in the frequencies the FCC reserves for Government use.
Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive abilities. We speculate that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason.
Update!
The Zapatopi (publishers of instructions on how to craft fine Aluminim Foil Deflector Beanies) have publised a rebuttal.
Which source to trust?
Scrawled illegibly by Meathe at 02:56 PM
April 10, 2006
Sorry, Ben, you can't hang the President for that.
Friday's Real Time with Bill Maher had Mr Affleck (widely known for his political perspicacity) trying very hard to be the smartest man on the panel. This met with as much success as Gigli.
Bill Sammon, Washington Examiner: "A lot of critics are conflating the two and are saying that because Bush disclosed this piece of information, they're implying that Bush leaked the name."
Ben Affleck: "He probably also leaked the name. There's just no proof of that."
Sammon: "Even the prosecutor, even Fitzgerald is saying Bush didn't leak the name. So let's be clear, Bush didn't leak Valerie Plame's name -- not that we know of."
Affleck: "Because if he did, you can be hung for that! That's treason!"
Bill Maher: "That is treason."
Affleck: "You could be killed. That's not a joking around Tom DeLay 'I'll do a year, I bribed the state officials with corporate money.' That's like they shoot you in the battlefield for doing that. Don't you think we should find out who leaked that name?"
Newsbusters carries the story and video.
If you don't want to subject yourself to that, I invite you to talk to the Autorantic Moonbat about Bush. Its not entirely dissimilar in content or coherency.
Scrawled illegibly by Meathe at 10:57 AM
March 13, 2006
Meanwhile, at the Warbles, the site overhaul begins
|
Good luck. Let us hope they do not get reinforcements from the HLF (Hamster Liberation Front).
Scrawled illegibly by Meathe at 04:06 PM
September 20, 2005
What do you mean, return to the moon?
I'm an unashamed space-nut. I'd fly on a shuttle tomorrow if I had the chance. I mentioned a few days back that congress had approved funding for the return to the moon. This attracted the attention of someone who snidely said "Return? We never went there". When pressed for more details, he mentioned a TV show and a few documentaries, but couldn't remember any details.
I'm no stranger to conspiracy theories. I worked in a capacity that required me to deal with irate, confused and strange members of the public on the phone (nutters) and in person (3D-nutters). Invariably, once a week, someone would have a theory. These ranged from the paranoid ("the neighbours are trying to kill me by pumping an invisible gas into my house through the ventilation ducts, I can't tell the police, they're in on it") to the convoluted ("I can prove Bill Clinton's hair dresser was involved in the JFK assassination, here's all the links between people on a graph" - this one was later expanded to include Queen Elizabeth's drug trafficing) and the anti-semetic ("I am not a jew-hater. But nor am I a jew-lover" followed by the most diabolical ranting).
There were also the regulars. One, Mr Simmons (not his name) had a penchant for explaining things and saying "Take it in. Take it all in. Like an injection." whilst miming shooting up, had managed to combine several traits. And eventually, I drew the short straw and had to go out and usher him out of the building with as little disturbance as possible. This involved humouring him for a few minutes.
He offered vast folders of collected clippings, evidence of the Zionist conspiracy. Foolishly, I then let him speak. They faked the holocaust, controled the government, set up puppet organizations (Templars, Freemasons) and all the other usual stuff. I thanked him kindly (by name) for such information, told him it would be checked and acted upon immediately.
And then introduced myself as Abraham Lipovetski (not actually my name, but nicely zionist sounding). Strangely enough, at that point he left with speed and did not return for quite some time.
So, the old "moon landing was a hoax" came up. I'd not seen the show, which aparently aired on Fox some time ago, but there are plenty of sites on the net that give the same sorts of ideas bandwidth.
They are all so deeply convinced of the 'truth' that they start with a conclusion and shoehorn evidence into it. Anything not fitting into the theory is discarded as a NASA fabrication.
Most have simple explanations, especially the one about the absence of stars in lunar photographs. Anyone who has ever taken photographs at night (or knows of shutters and exposures) should be able to work out why.
Detailed rebuttals can be found at the excellent site Bad Astronomy (there are a host of others debunking out there as well).
The upside of reading more about the 'hoax' is that I discovered a few interesting (debunking) sites, and the entertaining Buzz Aldrin-Bart Sibrel video clip.
Sibrel is a hoax theory proponent with a history of hounding astronauts. In this case he cornered Aldrin and his neice, stood in their way as they tried to leave the area and shouted directly in Aldrin's face, shoving a Bible into Aldrin's ribs several times, calling Aldrin a "a coward, a liar, and a thief". Dr Aldrin (72 years old, 5 feet, 10 inches, 160 pounds) punched Sibrel (37 years old, 6 feet, 2 inches, 250 pound) in the face, claiming that he felt forced to defend himself and his companion.
Buzz has a great right cross. (I have no sympathy for harassing nutters).
As the X-files say,
The truth is out there. The lies are in your head.
Or something like that.
Scrawled illegibly by Meathe at 02:40 PM
August 09, 2005
Conspiracies!
The truth is out there. Unfortunately, so are They. And They know you know this.
They employ all electrical power generating stations to distribute these signals, and appliances that draw power from them will be utilized as a carrier for this Extremely Low Frequency (ELF) radition. You need a somthing to deflect these ELF electromagnetic psychotronic waves. Now.
But you don't know how to make a wave deflector correctly. You can't afford to do it wrong. The commercially available ones are perforated by Them. Make one of these while you can.
Scrawled illegibly by Meathe at 02:07 PM