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April 05, 2006
Law and Disorder
| CENTURION: | Now, write it out a hundred times. |
| BRIAN: | Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir. |
| CENTURION: | Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off. |
| BRIAN: | Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar and everything, sir! Finished! |
Anyone who's seen Mony Python's Life of Brian will remember Brian's unexpectedly light punishment for his seditious graffiti in tangled latin. Strangely, something similar is now police policy in the UK, as reported by the Daily Mail (Dated the 3rd of April, so it wasn't the April Fools I was expecting it to be). Rules sent to police chiefs by the Home Office instruct police to let certain minor offenders off with a caution. This is something that we all hope for when pulled over for a traffic offence - but it can be taken too far.
Burglars will be allowed to escape without punishment under new instructions sent to all police forces. Police have been told they can let them off the threat of a court appearance and instead allow them to go with a caution.
A caution does stick to the record, but does not require a court appearance or merit further punishment. Personally, if the police actually caught someone in the process of ransacking my office (unlikely at the best of times) and sent them home with a caution, I'd be rather offended. But the Home Office is not finished yet. Further, the following shall be considered minor and a caution issued:
burglary of a shop or office, threatening to kill, actual bodily harm, and possession of Class A drugs such as heroin or cocaine - may now be dealt with by caution if police decide that would be the best approach. And a string of crimes including common assault, threatening behaviour, sex with an underage girl or boy, and taking a car without its owner's consent, should normally be dealt with by a caution
This does contrast a little with Tony B's election slogan of "Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime", which made me think that I must simply have missed my morning coffee and gotten it all wrong (I hadn't). On rereading, I made a short list of things that might just get you cautioned - even if you're caught in the act.
| Arson | Assault | Burglary |
| Drug-dealing | Grand theft auto | Making death threats |
| Stalking/menacing | Statutory rape | Vandalism |
| ROMAN SOLDIER STIG: | Right. Now don't do it again. |
Scrawled illegibly by Meathe at April 5, 2006 09:51 AM
Comments
That's frightening. There're so many ways for that to go wrong. Do they even document the caution?
Constable Joe: "That's the tenth caution I've given you, George. I've seen you rape ten women. Now, I've been lenient on you because I know that you're a busy guy and that whole jail thing would cramp your style. But damn it, I'm going to start having to get tough on you if it happens again. Last time it was my wife you violated and she's making life at home difficult with her whining about wanting to see you in court and stuff. I told her it wouldn't happen again but you know how women are, they get violated and think that you should be punished for doing that to her. Now, look buddy, I'm on your side but I've seen how you leer at my daughter and I'll be damned if I'll have TWO females at home making my life hell. If you do anything to my daughter, that will be your last warning."
George flails his hands in the air caustically and mockingly. "Eeeoooh, I'm so scaaaared."
Sorry about that note. :)