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June 29, 2005
Braaaaaaiiins! (Zombie alert)
Commercial Voiceover: The rich aroma that forcibly interrupts the story. The deep taste that makes even a zombie's eyes pop out. When you are tired of a confused story. For you, who know the difference, try Dog Blend.
Talking Head (1992)
Boffins create zombie dogs.
So sayeth the headlines.
After reading a little more, these are no more zombies than anyone who has been jump-started by an EMT. Karl Rove still has all the mind control chips, and he's not wasting them on puppies. He's saving them up for his army of mechanized hedgehogs.
The process may sound grotesque, but that all makes for better zombies. The subject (pre-zombie dog) is killed by draining it of blood whilst replacing it with a chilled saline solution (zombie fluids). This has the added bonus of sounding rather vampiric at the same time. The core body temperature drops rapidly from 40'c to about 7'c, staving off damage to brain tissue - in much the same way that allows people who have fallen through ice on a pond to be resuscitated 40 minutes later without the brain damage that typically occurs five minutes after the brain is cut off from oxygen. It also avoid the problems that plague the cryogenically frozen - namely that when you actually freeze the brain, the cell walls rupture. A thawed brain is not much more than goo. If you've ever frozen and thawed a strawberry, that's the ballpark.
Some hours later, the saline is pumped out, the blood goes back, body temperature is brought back up and the heart jump started.
And the dog wakes up, suffering, apparently, no detectable loss of mental ability (then again, if they tested on Boxers or Irish Spaniels, there would be no detecable loss of mental ability if they removed the brain).
USSR open heart surgeons have been using a chilling (to 26'c), killing, heating reviving technique for over 20 years (circulatory arrest does indeed mean stopping the heart and bloodflow). This was done with crushed ice and had incidence of 'neurological complications' (synonym: brain damage) (3.8%) and deaths (9.3%).
It's the sophistication of this technique, and the way it avoids the neurological complications by chilling to such a degree quickly that garners it the attention. Who will be interested and why?
The hospital emergency rooms, the military and quite likely the cryogenic nut jobs. If you can do this and reliably resuscitate (rather than "reanimate") them, it's actually going to be less risky to kill a patient to perform large, complex and invasive surgeries, then revive them than it would be to operate on on a live patient who has an excellent chance of bleeding to death. And you save on anaesthetic.
Is it grotesque and creepy? Many would say so. Playing god? It does rather sound like embalming. But no life is created where there was none before. Is it ethical? I feel sorry for the dogs. Also I think they should have done a little more research on this one first. Careful with that knife, Rachel.
The good Doctors Frankenstien will doubtless have a good deal of time to consider this with the AMA Institute of Ethics.
Scrawled illegibly by Meathe at June 29, 2005 09:14 PM
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