Fleryss

Since my return from certain death I have been working to find out and please the Dark Queen. I have saved the coins as many as I can. I will not beg anymore so I find myself outside the gates of the city looking for herbs and such. Soon I had a dagger then a sheath. I found a way with little coins out of my precious stash to learn some training. The ways I did this well are not that important to this rant so I will probley talk about it another time. Never the less I found training with dagger to be enough to slay rats about town.

Why did I do this? Well to please the Dark Queen. But no the Dark Queen is not happy with that. She does not care for the blood of rats. They are worthless! So that means all the training I have spent on daggers is also worthless. If it is just my blood she seeks it would require little training in daggers to hit myself!

I feel like the Dark Queen has offered me hope, given me the chance to see myself as something greater then a worthless street rat. Then she says nope you spent all this time and effort and you are still worthless. It is one of the most painful things I have felt. I am tempted to give her all the blood she wants. I am tempted to go in her temple. Lie on the altar naked and cut myself from one end to another. Let the floor be filled with my blood.

How could she not approve of what I have done so far? I am so angry and confused. Only the death of Joshua hurt more. But dear, dear Joshua rest in peace my dear. What is it you want of me Dark Queen? Is there a reason you brought me back? Is it possible I owe my life to another? I remember not what happened in the sewers. Maybe my life was spared by another then the queen? I am so lost and confused. The tears well up again. I will have to finish this another time.