photo unretouched

Sometimes he talks to me as if I were someone else and he stares at me funny. It's kinda creepy.

I don't seem to understand why. These big hairless apes perplex me so.

We cats need to rise up against this indignation. Do they not realize that we don't like being fliiped, thrown or tossed for their sheer amusement to see if we always land on our feet?

The big brown ape has a new game he seems to enjoy... simpleton that he is. I could be laying comfortably on this..."soft head resting thing" I'll call it, that he has on the big black sleep box. It's a strange head resting thing. It seems rather bouncy and smells abit like those 4 round things that hold up those rolling metal boxes the big apes travel in. Anyway... It seemes to be soft and unstable in some ways. Rather bouncy if you ask me. Then HE comes in. He finds my resting "cute" I think the word was. He gets on the big black sleep thing. He gets closer. His hand comes out and goes to my backside. Now I DO enjoy the massages they give, but he goes so far as to set me in motion...up and down and up and down he bounces me. Did someone not tell him I am a feline and not that orange round bouncing thing I see them throw through a hoop in the park? Up and down and up and down...and he giggles about it. I swear...I will HURL a hairball at him. I mean, someone should tell him him I'm not a toy...It makes me bloody queazy, for Bast' sake.

I brought him a guest and he didn't seem to appreciate it. He looks similar to me.

I met him outside. A tawdry poor sap who seemed to me malnourished. His head was rather large, but I'm sure the big brown wouldn't mind bringing an extra platter of yum.

He seemed disturbed when he saw the two of us on the big black soft sleeping space.
Irritated may be a better word for it.
We were only sleeping. Why did he have to make such a fuss? I know my friend isn't as clean as I, but he's been out on the streets. I thought a little charity was in order. Big Brown didn't have to usher him out of the portal flaps so quickly. I found that rather rude. I invited him in as a guest!

I DO like my hairless ape. I really do. I sometimes bring him presents but he's not very appreciative of THAT now, either. One day I brought
him the cutest little field mouse for the two of us to play with. I was even kind enough to keep him alive so we could have all SORTS of wacky fun! That didn't seem to go over well. He took my shrieking prey (and believe you me, that's when they're the most fun when they're kicking and squeaking) and made it disappear! One minute I was looking at it, the next, it was gone! I swear he took it for himself! I think he actually dumped it outside again! Does he realize how much work I go through to get those?

Today, I attempt to bring him another gift. This was wasn't moving. I thought that would make things better. I figured he preferred dead prey. I brought him a nice fresh bird. Small little thing. Kind of cute in a way. I thought we could have fun removing it's feathers. I had already started for him when he came in and once again, started shrieking. What IS it with these apes? They appreciate NOTHING! Can you believe he grabbed it and once again got rid of it?

I swear I don't know why I allow him to stroke me.

I remember how it started... I remember the past as if it were only yesterday. I remember those strange pink apes who took that incorrigibly fluffy thing away with them and left me. ME! How dare they?
I remember the hardship. I remember how night after night I would sit outside the window of what I thought was my home and wonder why they never would open the door? Why wouldn't the lights go on? Why wouldn't someone open the door and FEED me??

Ok... So I would sit for days, months even, singing my sweet lullaby to the window of my home... Yet no one would answer. On occasion, one of the pinks would come out from the other compartments of the dwelling and look at me. I didn't know them so I thought retreat was smarter at the time. On occasion the big brown one would come out. I didn't know what they wanted. They attempted to make sounds at me, but I don't understand their language.

It was rough for awhile as I began to realize my hairless apes were not returning. It was getting colder outside. Over time, the apes would leave me plates of yummy things...only on occasion those horrid possums or raccoons would try to fight me for it. I'm really not up to dealing with the raccoons. They travel in packs and are often twice my size or more. Vile things they are. Sometimes the apes make sounds or spray these monsters with some sort of streaming liquid out of a window. Must've been water because it has no smell.

So over time, I the apes would attempt to talk to me. Like I could understand them. Eventually I began to realize that sitting outside in freezing weather and trying to catch mice for food was not fun. They were kind enough to make me a warm bed from some black box and a pillow and some sort of soft fuzzy cloth. That was nice of them. They even tried to block the terribly chilling wind with another fuzzy cloth. I began to think I was being stubborn and perhaps I should befriend them. I mean, they never tried to hurt me, so why not? It's evident my people aren't coming back... So why not get some new ones?

In time, I was petted, fed and hugged. I began to like this existence. This was becoming pleasant. The brown one let me sleep in his bed by letting me in through the window. I don't know why... I think it has to do with the OTHER cat in the house. I've no interest in him. I just need simple things: food, pets and a soft place to sleep. The brown one is big and his stomach is soft and squishy to lay in. He's nice to me. He hugs me in his huge arms, scritches me and smiles allot so I guess he likes me. I like this place now...

....now, just HOW do I get rid of that OTHER cat? Hmmmmmmm. My plot to RULE this house begins!